Chapter Eighteen - The Way To A Heart

Chapter Eighteen – The Way To A Heart

His hand suddenly moved to my chest. He looked too focus that I was sure he hadn't realized he had placed his hand on one of my breasts. His head leaned closer to mine and for a second I thought our lips were going to lock, but his face met the side of my neck and he because to kiss every inch of it softly. I closed my eyes, trying not to fall into temptation.
I felt his lips curl of in a smile just before licked my neck and up to my ear. I started to breath heavily then stopped when I realized what he was trying to do. He was trying to get me to respond to him in some way; a moan, heavy breathing. I'd have to be stronger if I wanted to fight back his seductive ways.
In that instant I wished that Saeron was there. That he had never left so Jurah wouldn't have made moves on me. Don't get me wrong. I liked Jurah, but it wasn't hard at all to pick between the two. I already knew I cared Saeron more than I did Jurah. I knew Saeron better. I felt safe with Saeron, even loved. Yes, I guess you could say we really loved each other. Despite the way he was sometimes he always cared for me and should me, in his own way, that he loved me.
I looked up at Jurah who had stopped kissing my neck and resumed caressing my cheek. He was indeed very good looking and perhaps even better looking than Saeron. But the fact was that love counted for more than looks did. And despite Jurah's admiration and persistence I knew I would never love him the way I loved Saeron. Saeron was who I wanted to be with for the rest of my life.
He never spoke, but his eyes spoke for him. He seemed to really want me. But he didn't care enough about me, like Saeron did, to want whatever made me happy.
He shifted the hand that was on my chest and a sudden gasp left my lips. He smiled in content of what he had accomplished. He started to put his hands on my chest, but I firmly held him back, simply saying “please”, hoping he would understand what I was trying to keep his from doing.
He recovered quickly for being rejected such a privilege, but then took the liberty of making up for it. His hands went under the sheet and found their way to my legs where they glided smoothly up my leg and up to my thighs. I could barely keep from breathing heavily.
He shifted his legs and for a second I thought he was getting into a “position”. I was beginning to freak out until he moved just one of his legs in between mine. I felt a little better and suddenly realized I was fighting, again, to keep my breathing steady. I lost all control of my breathing when his leg rubbed against me just in the middle of my thighs. My eyes grew wide and I let out a shrill cry. I was just about to lose it! So I tried thinking of Saeron again. Remembering that I loved him and that Jurah was only trying to seduce me. He didn't really love me. He only thought he loved me.
Finally he got off me after kissing my neck and stomach a few times and laid beside me. I took this opportunity to turn away from him, toward the window, and shut my eyes in hopes that he would disappear.
Hands draped over my waist and his lips once again pressed on my neck. He pulled himself closer to me and I shivered from the his warmth in contrast to the cool atmosphere. It felt nice to lay their next to him. But not as nice at it felt when I laid with Saeron. When Saeron and I laid together it gave me a sense of calming, like I knew nothing bad would happen to me as long as I slept next to him. With Jurah it was different. It was like I was constantly have to look over my shoulder to make sure nothing to extreme happened. I had to make sure he kept his hands to himself. And I was always making sure I didn't fall into temptation. It was like hold the forbidden fruit in front of me, looking at its ripe and juiciness, and I couldn't have it. Well, in a sense I could, but if I took it I would most definitely suffer the consequences.
It was hard to fall asleep that night. I probably got one hour of sleep or maybe even less. I woke up to him playing with strands of my hair. It felt nice, and calmed me a little. I breathed out and allowed myself to relax.
“Good morning.” He breathed out casually. I twisted my head to look at his perfect face.
“Good morning.” I mustered out. I felt so tired. I decided right then and there to stay in bed till noon.
I ended up sleeping through breakfast and then lunch and finally woke up just before two. Jurah had popped in my room a few times to bring me meals, but never once disturbed me. I was grateful for that.
My dreams only consisted of one thing over and over again. I found myself with Jurah, doing things with him, and Saeron kept catching us. His disappointment and sadness was so vivid in my dreams that I once woke up crying, my stomach feeling nauseated at the thought of losing him.
I stumbled out of bed and looked out the window. The trees were swaying in the breeze and the sun rays were streaming through the window. I felt my cheeks grow flush as the warmth rested on them. I looked down to where the forest met the kingdoms gardens. I don't know if I was hoping he'd come out of the forest like he was only hiding or if I was confirming what I expected was true. He wasn't back yet.
I looked at the desk to my left and saw all the food Jurah had brought me. After sleeping for many hours, going without breakfast and lunch, I was famished and parched. I reached for a glass of juice and drank hastily, spilling a few drops on the floor. I wiped off the crimson drops around my mouth and dove in through the rest of the foods and drinks. Turkey, sandwiches, salads, soups, cakes, jelly pastries, sparkling water. The list went on and on. The desk was filled with more than I could ask for. I sat down and took a bite out of each one of my options. It all tasted so juicy, so delicious. At the end of eating I had to be careful how I moved so as to not hurt my stomach and I was constantly fighting sleep as I walked down the hall to see if I could find something to do instead of just sitting idly in my room.
I wandered the halls looking through rooms that looked interesting, but soon had to stop and take a breath because my stomach was so full.
“You look a little lost.” I saw Annie out of the corner of my eye. I turned to her and smiled.
“Nah, just checking out the castle, finding something to do.”
“I could teach you how to fly our dragons if you'd like.” She actually sounded serious.
“No thanks. It scares me enough just riding them.” I followed it up with a nervous laugh. “Is there anything else to do around here?”
“Well, I have been a little curious about you Silvani powers.” I laughed a little as she said this.
“I have to say. I'm a little curious about them too.”
“What do you mean?”
“I haven't really done much with my powers. I mean, I've stopped the rain, received guidance from voices, and even saved Saeron, but I've never known how to control them except through instinct. I don't think their really is a way to control them.”
“It would very helpful if you could. We could take care of enemies much quicker.”
“Enemies?” I was shocked. None of them had said anything about enemies since I had been in this kingdom.
“We've had a few.” She paused for a moment to look away, as though she was thinking back to the past. “It's been a long time though.”
“What kind of enemies?” She looked at me strangely when I said this, as though she was just switching her views from the past to the future, trying hard to focus on what I had just said.
“Hunters.” She said vaguely. “We were wanted for our fur and hunters would do anything to find us. Only a few found our kingdom, but we eventually took care of them one by one.”
“That must be hard for you guys.”
“What?”
“Having to kill other humans. At least...it was for Saeron.”
“We all have to do what we can to survive. If they get in our way theres no choice, but to take them down.”
“I guess that's how nature works.” I mused. “Living in the world of humans it's sometimes hard to think that people would kill each other just to live. But I guess we humans have our own battles to fight sometimes, and our own wars. And sometimes it's not even for survival. It's mostly because were greedy.” I sat back for a moment and reflected on what I had said. It was surprisingly deep for the way I usually thought. Or maybe I just never saw myself as deep until now, when like and death entered the picture.
That night after dinner I wandered the halls a little more. I cared with me a big water bottle and decided to find someone to talk to so I wouldn't feel so lonely.
I unwillingly made it to Jurah's room, my feet somehow carrying me there, and I couldn't find him. I was about to head out the door when he called out to me from the his balcony.
“Come join me.” He said calmly. “The weather tonight is nice.”
I did as he said and found myself standing next to him, my blond hair flowing in the breeze, my skin tingling as the wind hit against it. I felt it swirl through my arms as they rested easily on the banisters of the balcony.
Jurah remained quiet for some time and soon the moon started to come out, shining brightly down on us.
“Are you alright?” I asked softly. He let out a sigh and continued to stare off into the horizon.
“Yeah, I think so.” He paused. “But, I have a question for you.”
“Okay, what is it?”
“What do you think of me?” He looked directly at me, and I could see the seriousness and concern in his eyes. I thought for a moment, considering how I was going to answer his question.
“Well, I think you a nice guy. You can be aggressive at times, but it's not necessarily a bad thing. Not to mention confident.”
“I see.” He stared back out into the darkness. “You don't hate me do you?”
“No, not at all.”
“But you wouldn't say you loved me.” He looked back at me. I pondered this question, but only for a brief second.
“Well, I suppose in a sense I could, but only as a friend.” I watched as his face dropped with realization.
“Oh,” was all he said. He then went back to looking away. “Is there any way I could make you love me? Any way I could have your heart?”
“It's not that simple, Jurah.”
“But could you ever love me?”
“....if Saeron wasn't in the picture perhaps I could.” I was careful with my wording, making sure not to say too much about Saeron and make Jurah mad.
“I bet I could treat you better than Saeron ever could. I bet I could show you more love than he ever did. The admiration I'd show you would be nothing in comparison to his.” He was obviously try to convince himself and me that he was the better person.
“Maybe you could,” I said softly. “But love isn't a fickle thing. It only comes on rare occasions.” I turned to head off the balcony. Just as I was getting off it I said my last words that I hoped would get to him. “And my heart....my heart is only for the one I love.”